It got a little philosophical for awhile. Probably more philosophical than was healthy, but hey. We're getting a book out of it. That's worth a little "man-hating feminist rage" permeating our lives... right?
It was and wasn't. The notes I took above are just a fragment, of a piece, of a topic, of feminism. And it makes me angry. The more I read, the more I interact, the more I think, the more I LIVE = the more anger passes through me. I think part of me wrote this book because I was already angry, and at one point I was worried it was making it worse. However, now that I'm several weeks further in I'm starting to feel better. Like I've gotten something out of my system that definitely needed to get let go. I'm still angry, but now I'm functionally angry rather than paralyzed by anger.
I watched the last episode of Star Trek: The Original Series. Captain Kirk is forced to body swap with the "crazy" woman named Janet. Janet wanted to be a captain, and decides she can only accomplish that by taking over Captain Kirk's body. They don't explain why she can't be a captain in her own body, they just insinuate that it's not an option available to her. The last sentence of the episode, after Kirk regains his own body, is "What a shame. She could have had as satisfying of a life as any other woman, if only... if only."
I almost screamed. They didn't even have the balls to say it out loud. "If only she was satisfied with the limited options we allow her to have. If only she was satisfied being classified as a less capable, less autonomous part of humanity.". And then, to add to the audacity of it all, they decide to let her male "lover" (she didn't love him, she was using him) take care of her. He's an engineer, not a medical doctor. Is his "love" supposed to heal her mental break? She went insane BECAUSE of the way she was treated by men. How on earth is she supposed to be healed through more (forced) interaction with one? I feel so sad about this character's ending. I feel like she's been forcibly trapped by men, and will go even more insane as they tell her how they're trying to help her. As they tell her that they know how to help because they're smart, capable, rational men. Unlike her.
Have you ever been friends with a man for months (even years), and then hear them say something that completely reframes your relationship? For example, I have a friend who I've know for two years. I don't hang out with this guy one on one very often, and we usually interact through my large group of women friends. I thought this guy was pretty progressive, wasn't creepy around the women we mutually know, and I assumed he had a good grasp on feminist basics and viewed women as equals.
This guy left for the summer, but his roommate stayed and hung out with us a lot and became quite close with us. Flash forward to September, and the guy comes back. He and the roommate come over to hang out with our group of women, and the roommate starts joking around with us like usual. Just normal, fun conversation about Top Gun or something. The guy interrupts and goes "Wow, what are you now? Their bitch? You're totally whipped."
When I tell you the room went silent, I mean immediately devoid of noise. He didn't even understand that it was a result of what he said, and just started talking like normal again. The roommate stopped joking with us, and he hasn't been the same around us since. In fact, he's started exclusively flirting with us. No more friendship. And now I don't think I have a clear picture of how either of these men really are. I don't trust that they're safe people behind closed doors. It's partly because of the comment itself, but I'm even more disturbed by the fact he didn't realize the comment was an insane one to make.
This frustration (fear? betrayal? confusion?), which has built up into this massive supply because it's constantly fed by minor incidents/surprises/shocks like this, is what I'm trying to deposit into this book. I want it out of me and into something I'm proud of. I think it's working, but I can't deposit fast enough. The supply is being added to faster than I can work through it. I don't want to be angry anymore.
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